I first sat down to a piano when I was 16. It was an old upright in our living room that I had never really paid much attention to. My childhood was very difficult and my parents had recently divorced and so it was a very emotional point in my life. Because of this, I attached myself to things to help me get my mind off of my surroundings and situations. I believe this is what initially drew me in to sit down at the piano and to explore where it may take me. When I started tinkering, I realized I had a lot of music swimming around in my head and I needed to find a way to make my fingers express that. I refused to take lessons because I felt they were boring and wouldn't get me where I wanted in terms of being able to express the music in my head. So I started learning by playing by ear and developing tonal structures based on mathematical relationships between notes (I’ve also been drawn to math and science my entire life, but that’s another topic). I realized there was in inherent beauty to music that was not only mysterious, but mathematical in nature. My music really is inspired by my emotions whenever I sit down to the piano. If I feel depressed, I let that weight flow out of my fingers until I begin to hear the music forming in my head and concurrently through the notes being played. It's like a dance that takes place between what I feel or imagine, and what I hear. This constant feedback normally results in a convergence between the two that takes on its own life and form. Many times I scrap an entire piece and start over because the I feel distant from what I am playing. Sometimes I sit down and it is perfect representation as soon as I start playing. It all depends on many different factors that I haven’t figured out yet, and probably never will. Even though I don’t quite understand it all, I do find that it was one of the most enjoyable things in my life. I know I have the perfect piece when the music matches my emotions and I can play the song at a different time and still feel the same emotions each time. In that way writing music is very nostalgic for me. If you don't have an emotional connection to the music, then the best advice I can give you is don't spend your time listening to it. Find something that connects with you and immerse yourself in that.  I hope you find an emotional connection to the music that I has sprung out of my emotions. A lot of heart and spirit has gone into this, so I hope you find solace and comfort in it. Doug Corrigan